Good evening, one and all - and I hope everyone has enjoyed a thoroughly enjoyable Long Leave. And if you want to see an example of what your sons' lodgemeister got up to, then do have a squint at my half-term jottings, written after a perfectly splendid visit to Bridchester. (Sorry about the Thomas Hardy nomenclature, but I don't want the natives getting upset and driving their Massey-Fergusons through my drawing room window.)

So, I hope you're excited about Newton becoming part of the Twitter network! Watch out for the updates, and I'm sure you'll have already set your devices to RSS feeders, or whatever ornithological allusions you can think of.

I've heard all about all sorts of exciting things tonight: trips to Holland. where I understand the theme parks are wonderful (glad something is) (apart from the Reiksmuseum, that is, of course)' Paris, New York, and many other wonderful locations. I received an invitation to go to West Virginia as a private tutor, but declined such a terrific offer, as I thought that time wasn't really on my side.

We discussed the plural of the word 'oaf' tonight. As one does. I argued that if the plural of loaf is loaves, then the plural of oaf must, logically, be oaves. I'm still not sure whether I'd get away with exclaiming 'You silly oaves!', but then I don't often engage in the perjorative. Well, sometimes.

'Sir, do you ever get called 'Dad', or 'Daddy'? I was asked tonight. I replied that I often did, and that I took it as a compliment and told him that 'Your majesty', of course, is the preferred form of address,

He spluttered, gave me a withering look and took a very noisy chunk out of a Cox's Orange Pippin.

Goodnight.