Hurrah! The table tennis table has arrived! A burly Scot and his mate arrived during supper and, after enquiring of just about everyone on the campus where (and say it in a scottish accent that is completely incomprehensible) 'Mr and Mrs Chee-ah leev', the table, shrouded in heavy duty cardboard, was wheeled into the Newton garden. Now all we have to do is put it together and the residents' evenings will be enhanced considerably. (I have a confession to make. Mrs C has asked one of the maintenance team to assemble it, so no need to worry now that the air over Oxfordshire, Northamptonshire, Hampshire and most of London might turn blue.) Mrs C and I will christen the table - and I can assure you that that won't take very long ......

If you happened to pass by the pond area just beyond Mrs Bishop's form room, you would see that our artist-in-residence and our wonderful head of art, Mrs Williamson, along with Mrs Sparrow, have been adorning the said pond with what look to me suspiciously like totem poles made by the artists of tomorrow. And as christening seems to the theme, Mrs W kindly arranged a grand opening of the aforementioned exhibition, complete with drinks and nibbles. 'twas a grand affair, with speeches of appreciation from our artistic director, in which she thanked and appreciated all that Edwina Bridgeman and Sarah Sparrow have done and do for SF art - and I couldn't help but think, rather naughtily, I suppose, that the event reminded me of the Cameron/Clegg 'love-in' of last night. But don't tell RW I said that - especially as she and I had a great discussion about the works of Matisse, Turner, Kandinsky, van Gogh and many others. It was a lovely occasion, and all the staff, including Mr and Mrs BT, were there. Even Father Michael, the Catholic priest who comes and officiates on Friday evenings, came along. (I discovered that he taught my brother-in-law physics at Ampleforth in the 70s: more secrets!)

What a load of pedants the Newtonians are. You know I said that I'd initiated 'PSFAs', which stands for 'proper showers for all'? Well, you wouldn't believe the discussions I had tonight about that.

"Oh but sir! It should be P Ss FA, because showers is plural."

"Showers ARE plural."

"No, but it should be."

"Well, I think it should be P S F As"

"Oh no, sir, because that would be 'proper showers for alls'.

"Well, what about RSPCA, then? The A stands for animals, not animal." (Ha! Got 'im there!)

"Ah! So it should be P Ss F As, then, sir."

Oh for goodness' sake! It was only meant to be a flipping acronym, not a blinking lexicographer's utopian dream!

What an evening. I knew it was ominous from the start, when three Newtonians, on hearing my piano improvisations wafting their way down the corridor, ballet-danced their way into our drawing room when they arrived over here tonight.

Er - yes. That's enough for tonight, I think.