Amazing. Mrs Stoop, as you know, arranged a whole day of football, for just about everyone in the school, playing for 20 minutes at a time. (Quasi-OAPs notwithstanding.) It was a tremendous effort, and Our Leader was very appreciative, in front of the whole school, who were spectating from the sports hall gallery, and fulsome in his thanks for a job well done. I expect the grand total will be announced somewhere on the website very shortly, so do keep an eye out for that. I think it will be a pretty spectacular total.

Allow me to express public appreciation for the kind benefactor who has resolved my biscuit upgrade crisis. I won't reveal too many details, but suffice to say that my anxiety has been allayed by a very happy outcome. So, thank you very much.

"Sir, will you have a laughing match with me?" Such was one of the questions of tonight, post-football. I replied that yes, I would, and, by flaring nostrils and waggling ears in the face of my adversaries, I was able to reduce any challenger to a gibbering and hysterical wreck on the floor. Sad, isn't it, that I have to make up for my athletic deficiencies by engaging in such minor contests as laughing matches, but there we are. Oh well, you wait until you're 60. OK, 59. And a half.

Thank you for your very kind comments about our 'offspring happiness issue': your support has been terrific, and helped us through a pretty tricky time. I think things are on the up now, and we're hoping all will be well.

As for your petits hommes, they're as happy as Larry. At least, they were just now. I suspect they are at this moment, too. I shall go and listen.

Goodnight, all - and welcome to our Follower(s) in the U.A.E., who I see joined us earlier today.