I used to dream, sometimes, when I was younger, that in due course I would have my own lovely air-conditioned office, with a leather swivel chair behind an enormous desk, with Agnes, my loyal secretary bringing me cups of coffee on demand, in a state of the art building in the middle of one of the capital cities. There I would be, controlling my vast empire, with people heeding my every beck and call.

So what happened? I became a schoolmaster and a housemaster, acquiescing to the young, and having dialogue similar to that of tonight, viz:

"Who's being silly in the bathroom?"

"H***y, was that you being silly? It sounded very like your voice."

"No, sir, I wasn't being silly, seriously."

"You can't be silly seriously? No, I know that: but were you being silly?"

"I am now, sir. I'm being seriously silly."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously, silly. Sir."

Or, on requesting silence in silent reading and informing the inmates upstairs that

"This doesn't sound like silent reading to me. Although to be fair, it's difficult to know what silent reading does actually sound like."

Or discovering that one of your LMs was still at the computer console in the upstairs common room, three minutes into silent reading:

"Oh come on, F***x, you should be on your bed, reading by now."

"Well, I was reading, and I was being silent, sir."

I had to draw the line at being asked by two Curlewites whether I would give them a piggyback ride from one side of the dorm to the other.

"Certainly not." I replied, with some vehemence.

You can imagine the outcome, of course.

Aquiescent? Moi?

Goodnight.