Two things occur tonight. First, this ancient machine seems to be whizzing through the programs as if there's no tomorrow - which probably just means that the old security system has expired and is no longer grudgingly letting me into cyberspace, but is now enticing me as quickly as possible into its evil clutches, and secondly, having been enclutched in such a way, I thought tonight, not for the first time, I must be living in some kind of parallel universe.

"Sir, come on then, show us yer dance moves."

"No."

"Yes. Oh come on. I bet you're a real rocker when you get going."

"No. You should be in the shower."

"Right. I'll go downstairs and get Mrs Cheater. I bet she'll show us her dance moves."

"I don't believe this is happening. Did I really wake up this morning?"

"Oh yes, sir. Look, see if you can feel this." So saying, my convo partner pinched my arm. Not hard, but with sufficient force to make his lodgemaster squeal a bit.

"Why don't you and Mrs Cheater both show us your dance moves out in the garden?"

By this time I'd heard enough. Quickly, I assumed complete control and made as if to exit, and as I did so, I heard an appealing duet, from two residents, who simply said '"Sir ..... " I turned round. There behind me were a woolly mammoth and a highland cow looking apologetic.

Now I know I'm in a different universe.

Guden nytern - as we say here on Zog.