Tom C is back from Japan! An emotional and exceptionally happy reunion at Heathrow led to a wonderful family gathering in the Newton kitchen - but only in the Cheater household would you discover a scenario in which the prodigal is causing the assembled company to weep with laughter at his day's travel exploits, at the same time as a slightly distressed French ten-year-old has arrived for reassurance, causing the two daughters to go weak at the knees at the sight of such Gallic innocence, the dog is going crazy, Miss Chloe is whipping up the cream for the pudding, and Mr Randolph has appeared to see his former pupil and fellow drummer!

It's been a hilarious evening - and it's good to have him back. Male company around the dining table - not to mention our living quarters - has been at a premium for six months. Even the dog and the cat are female. As Alice said to her sister, 'Imagine living with just Tom and Daddy for six months!'

Indeed. Until tomorrow, then,