Saucepans. Fathers, when you empty the dishwasher - although of course, that is a task that your offspring will be readily offering to perform on your behalves this weekend - don't you find that, however hard you try, the saucepans never quite fit into their particular niches? Ours most certainly don't, and, try as I might, although the majority will fit neatly into a particular hole, there's always one that prevents one from shutting the cupboard door. So they have to be, to use a contemporary word, 're-configured'. Translated, that invariably means that I become particularly frustrated with the casserolian collection that has been withdrawn from the dishwasher, and that the cacophony in the kitchen crescendoes into a climactic sforzando, followed by a piercing soprano solo of 'What ARE you doing?' From that point onwards, the symphony moves into a much slower movement, and, with a few deft movements, a calm that is reminiscent of Beethoven's Pastoral Symphony is restored to our Dorset idyll.

Talking of cacophonies, I see from today's Telegraph that Prince Charles has visited the Jedward Academy. Well, to be fair, Jim White has suggested that he might have done. As an educationalist I wasn't sure whether Mr White was writing a satirical piece or a more factual account, especially when he reported that the teacher involved in hosting HRH's visit was trying his best to get the class to proclaim the school motto of 'Wha'eva'.

It's pouring down here in the West Country - or, as some of our fellow citizens call it, the Wet Country. So any chance of biking is out, I fear, and, as the arch-procrastinator of the century, I am only too aware that I should be composing informative reports for your sons, rather than writing this blog! But when I recall that it's now read in Moscow, Basra, Tokyo, Durban, many parts of this country and, who knows, in the highest offices in the corridors of power in the land, (Greetings, Prime Minister, just in case your mother-in-law has seen fit to pass on the web link) I feel that I have a considerable responsibility towards my readers!

As for finding a culminating link between saucepans and world travel, well, the best I can do is to refer you to the motoring section of today's 'Telegraph'. You will see, if you haven't already, a photograph of Mr James May with a culender on his head.

Now that would solve my saucepan dilemma.