Looking back on the blog entries of the past few days I can’t help but notice that there are references to (a) Victor Meldrew, (b) Mr Mackay of ‘Porridge’ and (c) Basil Fawlty. As all such references allude to your correspondent and scribe, you must be thinking that Newton is ruled by a cantankerous old …. – well, fill in as appropriate. Let me take this opportunity, then, to assure you that the lighter moments within Newton far outweigh the Nutenfuhrer’s grumpiness!
Yesterday, I was sitting in my form room at 3.15pm, awaiting my next class. A Newtonian entered, with a smile.

“Hello, sir! Did you have a good lunch?” I think he must imagine that I’m still living in the 1980s, a cast-off from the financial world of the time! Even with our new kitchens, lunch does not extend until mid-afternoons!

Last night I was hoist by my own petard – whatever a petard may be , but whatever it is it is that by which I was hoist – so let me tell you about that, too.
Scenario: A Heronian is making himself heard rather excessively. I enter the dorm and the following dialogue ensues:

PRC: Rather a lot of noise, don’t you think?
Heronian: Well, I was only telling X that he needed to give me my ball back!
PRC: And what do you think your tutor would think about all this racket, then? Mr Randolph, is it not?
Heronian: Oh, he wouldn’t mind.
PRC (extracting mobile telephone from pocket): Shall we – would you – like to ask him, then?
Heronian: Ha! I bet there’s no-one on the other end! (Newtonian parental secret: I usually dial our house in Dorset, but theNewtonians don’t know that.)
The telephone rings and rings – and to the Heronian’s surprise, Mr Randolph answers.
PRC: Ah, Hugh. One of your tutees doesn’t believe that I really ring tutors. Would you care to speak with X?
Heronian: Oh hello, sir. Mr Cheater doesn’t usually ring anyone. He admitted it in PSE last year. He said that sometimes when he writes names down on a piece of paper he’s only scribbling. So he doesn’t usually ring anyone at all.

And there I was thinking that I was being so clever, too. Silly me: I was forgetting that they are sharp-witted Newtonians!