You know how sometimes you have an awful day? Well, today has been one of those for me today. I will spare you an itemised account, not least because it would be long, boring and, probably, incomprehensible to anyone off-campus, but just believe me when I say that it has.

So I needed Newton - and the Newtonians - to rescue the situation, and, as always, they have done so. They have been engaging, witty and fun, from the moment when they arrived to the time when we were watching 'Springwatch', and learning all about whether bees, erm, whether bees ....... no, not that, erm, 'excrete'.

There has, of course, been great excitement here (which I missed, because I was watching my own team getting hamm ..... - performing at Caldicott) because of the appearance of a high-profile cricketer. As you know, names are verboten on this blog, but I will simply tell you that on learning of the presence of the aforementioned sportsman, a member of the Scholarship form was heard to say

'James Horn? Who on earth is he?'

So that's football and cricket covered, with numerous autographs having been signed on both occasions, so there's just rugby left. I'm sure there'll be someone here soon.

Apparently, the cricketer has a voice-activated locking system on his Mercedes. This caused much adulation, of course, and I was told all about it, but, not one to be outdone, I informed my own throng that I had one of those, too. Of course they didn't believe it, but they were (for about two nano-seconds) amazed when I opened the door of Newton, told the Volvo to 'open!' and it did so! 'Close', I said. It responded.

'Can I have a go?' asked one resident from far off climes. (I was tempted to say 'O, man, must you?' but refrained. (That's just code, of course, and I wasn't really.)

'Of course,' I replied.

'Flash your lights!' he demanded.

The lights flashed.

'Turn on the windscreen wipers!' came a second imperative.

The lights flashed again, and we both agreed that the car was nothing if not a tad facetious, so we decided to leave it alone.

Yes, yes, the keys were in my pocket. I know you've worked that out. So did they.

Still, it was fun, and that's what being here is all about.

Goodnight.