Good morning, everyone - and greetings and welcome to any new followers as result of blogvangelising that occurred last night at the Cavalry and Guards Club! I was delighted to meet so many friends and supporters while flying the SF flag over a glass or two of chilled chardonnay and des amuses-bouches.

And talking of amused bouches, it seems that yesterday's deviation from the normal route of witty banter caused some consternation! Well, that's all over now and all seems to be back on track. Fortunately for me, much of the re-railment was executed by Mr Bryan, whom (he's the head of classics, you see, so I have to used the Accusative form of 'who', even though it makes me sound like a butler) I greeted last night, just before midnight. There he was, in our drawing room, conscientiously waiting for our return and the Tuesday night handover. All, it seems, went very well under his watchful eye and guardianship.

Writing this blog each day is an enjoyable way to spend a few minutes, but I was doubly delighted yesterday to be the first recipient of my other journalistic baby, the school magazine. Putting that together was my summer holiday project, and there's always an oxymoronic feeling of excited anxiety when I learn that a few thousand copies have been delivered!

Anyway, that's not really Newton news, but I hope you will enjoy it as you scan the pages over Short Leave - and I hope everyone has a terrific weekend. Mrs C and I are off to Dorset: sheep, sea, sun (we hope) and tranquillity. Oh, and my motor bike, of course.

Received wisdom is that Mr C's bark is a lot worse than his bite and, as the issuer of both, I can subscribe to that opinion. However, both were delivered with considerable severity last night as we had a rather silly incident wherein three Newtonians decided that they would throw stones at other members of the lodge as they made their way to their term-time home. I was not pleased, to put it euphemistically. Fortunately for me, but unfortunately for the perpetrators of this ridiculous and unacceptable behaviour (and the latter were left in no doubt as to what I thought about it), Mr Lagden happened to be passing by, on his way to see me about another issue. When he learnt about what had been happening, he was horrified, and wasted no time in adding his disapproving voice to mine, resulting in a double-barrelled salvo which had an appropriately chastening effect. Put it this way: I don't think any more stone-throwing will happen again. It had better not.

After all of that, as you can imagine, there was a slightly muted atmosphere in Newton and there was a certain amount of moving gingerly and brief hesitation before asking the Lodgemeister any questions. The residents, ever respectful, realised that their Leader's displeasure had been incurred and there was little reluctance when invited to make their their way upstairs to silent reading.

No, not the best Newtonian evening. Still, it doesn't do any harm, from time to time, to show that both bark and bite are there when they're needed.

I sometimes worry about my mental health. Last night, after having frater - and, of course, in these days of gender sensitivity, soror - ised in New Room after Chapel (and, thank goodness, for those of you who heard me 'mess up' the anthem's organ part during the rehearsal, I managed to get it right in the service), I returned to Newton where I found the usual mix of clothes-putting-away, home-clothes-dumping-into-baskets, Top-Gear-viewing, and, seeing as they asked so nicely, a few who wanted to watch The Simpsons in our sitting room while adulating the dog.

Yes, you may be thinking, that was all pretty normal Newton stuff - which it was. It was the fact that, when the boys came upstairs for silent reading, I found myself standing at the top of the stairs, pretending to be a flight attendant, welcoming them aboard, looking at their boarding passes and telling them where their seat was. Of course, being the lovely boys that they are, they humoured the old man and played along, often with considerable wit. One passenger, who was clearly en route to Paris, asked for a glass of water once he had ensconced himself into his First Class upper bunk ....

If that had been where it had ended, perhaps I wouldn't be so concerned. However, when I discovered that I had been issuing a tirade of imperatives to a duvet, I began to think that perhaps I should see someone.

"Sir, X is under his duvet on the floor."

"Get into bed - right now. It's not funny: you should be in bed and reading silently. Come ON!"

"Yes, sir. But I'm actually over here," said the duvet's owner, from behind the door.

Collapse of stout party. More tomorrow - unless they've taken me away.

I must confess that I had it rather easy last night as far as Newton was concerned, as I was giving an organ recital at a church in Warwickshire and didn't arrive back at the ranch until the Saturday night film was in full swing. Still, all seemed to be very calm upon my arrival and I was pleased to learn from Mrs C that all had gone well in the pre-film festivities. I'm sure that sweet rations had little to do with that. Judicious timing on my part (i.e.: ensuring that the recital lasted no more than an hour and ten minutes, a quick bit of socialising with the (very appreciative) audience over a welcome cup of tea and a steady 70mph (of course) down the M40 enabled me to stride imperiously back through a very peaceful Newton at ten past nine, de-suit myself and settle down to a rather good episode of 'Casualty' while the boys watched the film.(Mrs C and I are fanatical about Casualty and Holby. I wonder whether Dr Hannah will acquiesce to Mr Jordan's demand!)

The boys all went to bed happily and ready for sleep, and we heard not a peep from them until this morning, when my own morning rounds (you see, being a Casualty junky has its effects!) went succesfully.
"Ah, now let's have a look," I found myself saying, looking at the clipboard, "you're off on a credit, aren't you? Miss Ruthie, can you ensure that he has a decently tied tie and hair combed, please?"
"Yes, Mr Cheater."
"Now, who do we have here? Ah yes, now, you're not going until 11. Just check that he collects his jacket, could you?"

I'm wasted in Newton, you know. I should be an actor.

And if I could type the word Casulaty without having to correct it four times, I'd tell you which programme I'd be in.

A text book evening? Well, yes, I suppose so, if the book in question happened to be 'Duvet-changing for Beginners', part 1. Should you happen to have been passing through Newton last night, you would have found yourselves confronted by strange, ghoulish spectres, ostensibly duvet-like, wandering, like lost souls, through the dorms. Sometimes they would fall, prostrate, on to the floor, sometimes on to beds. Others would be clambering, apparently aimlessly, up the ladder of a bunk bed and would lurch on to the mattress, face-first. (Or whatever ghouls have in place of faces.)

This terrifying spectacle lasted for most of the pre-silent-reading time, and all of that, coupled with my insistence that showers should be taken by all after such ghostly exertion, ensured that by the time I called for Silent Reading, all were ready for a rest! Fortunately, no-one was confused enough to wander into the shower encompassed by a duvet cover.

So that was that. I then realised that we hadn't actually had our statutory fire practice, so, enlisting the assistance of Mrs C, fifteen minutes after lights out I turned the key of the alarm. The cries of horror, shock and awe at such campanological sonority surpassed even the ghoulish screams of before. Time it was, therefore, for another of my John Cleese impressions.

"Right. If that's how you're going to behave like that in a fire practice, we'll have to do it again. Go back upstairs and if the alarm goes off at midnight then you'll know why." Etc., etc.

Chastened, the Newtonians returned silently to their beds. And waited.

Two minutes later I turned the key for a second time ......

Text book.

A very agreeable evening - and I don't just mean because D and I were able to enjoy the most wonderfully relaxing time chez Bryan, I mean because when we returned (and I was very careful to avoid anything that looked like a flowerpot), Dr Dean informed me that it had been a 'text book evening in the lodge'! So, well done the boys - your boys - and well done Dr Dean!

Massive laundry happened this morning. Sheets, pillowcases, duvet covers and pyjamas. I struggled for a short while to appreciate how four items could be placed in the three baskets that had been placed as laundry receptacles, but after Mrs C and Miss Ruthie had exchanged exasperated glances and I had been informed that most nine and ten year olds could work out that duvet covers and pillowcases were usually of a joint theme, I felt that I was beginning to get the hang of this laundry thing. (After fifteen years as a housemaster.)

Let's look forward to another text book evening tonight.

I am becalmed.

Last night was a lovely evening, with all Newtonians behaving themselves and being suitably efficient about things domestic. The only person who was in trouble was your correspondent, who returned from a social gathering of staff in Savage's, just in time to officiate in the lodge, but lost his footing on the step to the front door, in the dark, causing a flowerpot containing one of Mrs C's prize plants to disintegrate rather noisily. As I was at pains to point out to my dear spouse, it was the darkness and not the social gathering that was the cause of this unfortunate incident, but perhaps, on reflection, my suggestion that putting a flowerpot on a step was a pretty idiotic thing to do was less than diplomatic, under the circumstances. So, out of the den and into the dog-house, as it were.

The boys, of course, could do no wrong. There they were, playing games in the common room, watching TV in our sitting room, playing at the computer: what cherubs you have ..... ! I found myself being invited to converse with woolly animals of all shapes and sizes during silent reading, in a sort of Ray Alan way (That dates me, does it not?!), which went down extremely well with the owners of said pets. Did I really write that down?

Dr Dean will be at the helm tonight: D and I will be dining chez Bryan. No need for a baby alarm, as their house is within hearing range of Newton. But I will be very careful indeed when we return .... !

All good news from Mr Bryan last night, it seems. At the time of writing I have yet to catch up with my assistant lodge master (duty-wise, that is - although, come to think of it, probably academically as well), but I shall look forward to good reports.

I had to growl a bit at Curlew dorm this morning: rather a lot of over-exuberance emanating from their dorm while they should really have been getting dressed, combing hair, making beds, etc. caused me to bare my teeth.

"But sir, it's other dorms", defended a Curlewite (Does anyone know the diminutive of 'curlew'?) "they come down and sit on our beds!"

For those of you who have read the adventures of Jennings, you would have been impressed by my impersonation of Mr Wilkins, at that stage ....

More tomorrow, after I've calmed down in the den.

Gosh! That was a lively evening! I think there must have been something in the water last night, as exuberance seemed to be the theme of the moment! It all started when the remaining Taxi bars were discovered, and it was suggested that in order to claim (or should that be 'to hail'?) one of the said items, the potential claimants should perform an advertisement based on the theme. Need I say more. Even some of those who hitherto have not wished to step into the limelight decided that there was too much at stake to sit on the sidelines. (Comments about mixed metaphors may be harboured privately, particularly by those in the journalistic profession.) I have to say that, really, it was games night, and there were some who thought that such frivolity was pretty futile; achieving nothing except causing considerable irritation when one was trying to outwit another in a game of Connect 4!

Silent reading came as something of a blessed relief and calm was restored. That is until one member of one dorm was asked by another why he always waited until lights-out before he went to the vins.
"Why can't you go before silent reading, then?" And then, of course, as is the Summerfieldian way, everyone else in the dorm had to express an opinion about how, where, when and why vins should be visited. Once they had been becalmed for a second time, I turned off the lights, strode around for ten minutes to ensure that the residents' loquaciousness was no longer being ameliorated and went down to our TV room.

'Warship' was on.

Sunday night and all back in the nest once again, after what I'm sure was a happy weekend for all.

I returned from playing the organ in Chapel to discover another worship session: this time it was Isla who was the recipient of some adoration, as she lay recumbent and appreciative, in our sitting room. (The room off our drawing room where the television, complete with a full Sky broadcasting service, lies.) It was the dog, I'm sure, who acted as the pull, and I can think of no other reason, other than 'Total Wipe-Out', which just happened to be on at the time, as to why within three minutes the sitting room had filled up with eager viewers!

Taxi bars were on offer as the Sunday night sweet ration, which eventually enabled me to interpret what I originally imagined was a rather excitingly surreal notice on the board, written in D's hand, stating: "Ruthie, Taxis are in the desk." (I do surrealism, you see. You have to, when you do my job.) And fruit - lots of it.

A lovely evening; all very relaxed and enjoyable - and a good start to the new week.

Newton was very empty last night, with so many boys enjoying Credits. Back at Camp Newton all went well, although my own attempts to sort out the mechanics (again) of the DVD served only to prove to all remaining inmates and my nearest and dearest that as far as anything vaguely technical is concerned then my abenorsity is on a par with a chimpanzee typing out the complete works of Shakespeare. (The similarity being, apparently, that both of us would get there in the end.) You can imagine the scene, no doubt.
"Send for Hannah, someone!" shouted I, imperiously and in a manner befitting one who enjoys his own empire. She arrived.
"Can YOU sort this wretched thing out, Hannah?" I demanded.
"If you're going to be like that about it .... " etc., etc. Of course, simultaneously, all Newtonians proffered what I'm sure was sound advice about which coloured buttons, and on which remote control, to employ. Two others whose boredom threshold had been reached and surpassed were ragging under the duvets that they had brought with them in order to watch the film comfortably.
"Right. You two, I've told you once (John Cleese would have been proud of me), if you're going to make that silly screaming noise any more you can go back to your dorm."
"Can we come back in about five minutes, sir, once we've calmed down?" enquired the screamers, smiling knowingly.
"Only if you can calm down. Is it working now, Hannah?"
"No. And as you're just being grumpy about it, you'd better do it."
Well anyway. To cut a not very interesting or long story short, Mrs Sparrow arrived (as it is she, she tells me, who sorts out Mayfield's technical problems)and all was well.
Oh, and in case you're wondering, it was the mains lead that had unplugged itself from the back of the DVD. No problem.
Except that I had to go and tell Hannah.

I am having a nightmare. The school computer system seems to be having a nervous breakdown (to say nothing of Mr Price), my home-hub, or whatever it's called seems to be 'going down' every five seconds, and it's very, very annoying. Rant over.

A rather sombre and sad evening last night, as two families had suffered bereavement. Always sad, and yet, boys being boys, they appear resilient. Underneath it all, though, they feel it deeply, and our thoughts are with them, and with their families.

Mr Bryan had his first Newton evening tonight, as a swap from his normal Tuesday slot, and he seemed to get through it all with few - no, no - difficulties. As if a Cambridge classicist would find it tricky! No chance. A great new colleague, who brings much to SF.

D and I will be back at the helm tomorrow morning and then until Tuesday night. Sorry this is a short note, but as we haven't actually been on duty tonight, there's not much to report.

Incidentally, I hope the granny who was going to be introduced to the Newton blog didn't disgrace herself.

More tomorrow.

I meant to tell you about the box. One of our fraternity received a lovely new gift in a large vertical, cardboard box. Well, think up-ended box and ten-year old boys and you will arrive at the inevitable conclusion. Hence the somewhat ludicrous dialogue, typical of those often held between teacher and pupil:

"And just what do you think you are doing in that box?"

"Sir, they put me in it."

Of course they did. They would, wouldn't they.

"Well, get out of it now, and I think I'll have that box, thank you very much."

That was last night. Tonight was a lovely evening, not least because it was a birthday evening, and I was pleased to learn that he had had a 'great day'. It was a TV night, so there was a choice of watching whatever was on BBC 1, or watching part of the match between Liverpool and Debre-something-or-other. As one who has only ever supported Derby County, and rather lost interest ever since the demise of the late, great Brian Clough, my zeal for tonight's match was limited - although as I was invited to come and watch it, I thought it churlish to refuse.

Dr (Paul) Dean and Mr (Joe) Porter will be on duty tonight (Thursday). Diana and I will be off duty.

A bientot.

Those games seem to be very popular! We had another good evening, and the boys were on fine form when they came acrosss from a busy and active day.

For those who aren't sure of the evening routine, the boys come over to Lodge at 7.40pm and then, after showering and sorting out their laundry (overseen by Diana and Ruthie - not by me, mummies will be relieved to learn!), they are free to enjoy whatever the attraction of the evening may be. This is followed by teeth-cleaning and then silent reading on/in beds from 8.30- 8.45pm. The boys are very good at reading in silence, and it is very rare indeed for me to have to reprimand anyone for recidivism! (OK, occasionally I do. But only occasionally!)

Morning routine (I know, I'm getting anorakky now) is that at 7.10am Ruthie, Diana go round the dorms first and awaken everyone. At 7.15pm it's my turn and by this time there is room for a certain amount of witty banter. I then position myself in front of Breakfast news in the Common Room and check that hair has been combed. It usually has, because Diana and Ruthie will have made sure of this upstairs. Some boys choose to stay and watch the news; some prefer to get on with the day and after bidding the mutual bidding of a cheery 'Have good day'/Bonne journee', another day begins.

Games night last night, and it was lovely to see the boys enjoying a TV-free evening. I bought a whole load of board games last term and so D and I were so pleased to see them being used. Television happens only on Wednesdays, Saturdays and Sundays, so don't be alarmed at recent reports which seem to suggest that it happens every night!

Thank you so much for the kind comments that you have been making about the blog: all feedback is greatly appreciated!

Normally on Tuesday nights Mr Bryan is on duty in Newton, but D and I thought that we ought to see the first week through ourselves, just to make sure that all the various logistics worked this year!

Only a small panic this morning: I thought we'd lost Isla! Fortunately though, she re-appeared at 8.10am - just as I was beginning to give up hope! All is well and she will continue to remove socks and slippers from Curlew dorm first thing tomorrow morning!

A bit quick this morning, as the school internet is down, so my daughter has kindly allowed me to use her machine! Yes, she is up and out of bed already!

A calm but enjoyable evening in the lodge. Of course, the good old bribe of a Kit-Kat once everyone had showered seemed to do the trick again and within a very short time we had a pleasantly fragrant house once more. Top Gear proved popular for the petrol-heads (a fraternity of which I am pleased to be a member) and Ace Ventura maintained his attraction for those poor souls to whom the motor car is as nothing. (I refrained from making links to the Vauxhall Ventura as I thought that would be too sad for words, and in any case, none of the Newtonians would have heard of that particular car.)

Everyone went to bed happily after a very active and busy day and there wasn't a sound until this morning, when I was greeted by grunts and groans in reply to my cheery morning salutations!

Quote of the evening: "Sir, where do I put my home-clothe ........ oh, you wouldn't know, would you." (Fortunately, Mrs C does.)

Sunday 13th September

Well, that was an interesting evening! The choice of the DVD in the Common Room or 'Ordinary TV' in Curlew, proved very popular - once I had managed to get the DVD to work! As you can imagine, Newton is full of world experts on DVD mechanics and all sorts of helpful comments were offered. Once I had realised that in order for an electrical installation to work it requires electricty, and put the plug into the socket, all was well. To be fair, we did need an adaptor - although Mrs C took some persuading of that fact .... !

All viewing went well, in both locations; sweet rations were hugely appreciated, and it was then time for bed. But not before one of our members managed to lock himself in the vins and discover that the lock was faulty! Fortunately, the person involved was the model of calm and common sense and he and I engaged in witty banter while I endeavoured to find a way of getting him out! After about ten minutes, Mrs C, who had been dealing with laundry downstairs, arrived on the scene, complete with screwdriver. "All you have to do is put this in the lock and turn", said she. And she was right! Out came a smiling hero, who was cheered loudly by his peers.

Just another night in Newton.

News from Newton

Welcome to the Newton blog! This is a blog especially for the Newton parents, and I hope it will help you to keep up to date with all that is going on in the lodge. You can log on to it at any time, of course, and see if anything has changed. Sometimes there will be much to say; sometimes nothing at all. So then, let me bring you up to date.

The new Newtonians are a great, lively bunch of lovely boys. Our two newcomers are settling and getting used to our strange ways, and we are delighted that they are with us. Diana and I have elected to be on duty each night until next Thursday, as we feel that this will help to settle the boys in, but after that, the other lodge staff will be on duty on Tuesday and Thursday evenings.

A little trouble from Heron dorm last night: it seems that one member woke up at about 9.45pm and, instead of trying to get back to sleep, decided that it would be fun to wake the others up. He was informed that this was not a great idea ......

Tonight is film night. The lodge members have a choice of watching the DVD, or watching 'ordinary TV'. It's also sweet-ration night - and as I decided to draw a line under Heron's misdemeanours, they will all get them tonight! (Much to their relief!)

Anyway, I hope you like the idea of this blog: the lodge members aren't quite sure what to make of it yet ... !