If you've ever seen a programme called 'Ice Road Truckers' (History Channel, Thursdays, 9pm; I recommend it), you will have seen the veteran driver of 30 years called George Spears. He's one of the team of mega-truckers who regularly drive across the Dalton Highway of Alaska, encountering navigational issues the like of which you wouldn't believe. I can identify with George (in more ways than one if you've ever seen him ...) because there are few things he hasn't come across before. Last night in Newton was one such occasion for me and, to use that old cliche, some of the residents must think I was born yesterday.

I refer, of course, to the old 'head-in-the-basin-and-pretend-I've-had-a-shower' trick. Well, that's fine, and just occasionally, with one who hasn't seen it all before, some - some - might just get away with it. However, if you pass your lodgemaster, enter the bathroom dressing-gown-clad and then, within no more than five seconds, emerge with only wettened hair, the result is inevitable. You can imagine the sergeant-major-like comments that ensued ... ! (All taken in good humour, I should add, and there was no hesitation on the part of the culprit to admit defeat!) Nice try.

Despite Isla's best efforts, there remains a Rich Tea mountain in Newton. Or rather, there did. As it provided much-appreciated sustenance to your correspondent whenever he passed it (having checked that certain people weren't looking ...), its summit lowered. I had some explaining to do when this natural erosion was discovered! Wickedly, I considered the option of pinpointing the nearest resident and enquiring of him how this could have happened, hoping that he might just play along, but even I am not that mean.

Ice Road Truckers. History Channel, Thursday night. Look out for George Spears - and you'll see what I mean.