You may find it strange to learn that I work for a HM who writes emails in text message, - and I bet you're getting excited now to discover the internal goings on of this establishment - but I do, and on two separate occasions now I've received replies to my deliberations which have read

LOL. D

And just in case you should be concerned, LOL in text stands for 'Laughing out loud'. I know that because my three teenage offspring use it. Honest. I await the smiley face. (Can you do that?)

Anyway, the point of that little anecdotal offering was because I've just been LOL-ing at HIGNFY, which I find to be the most amusing programme on telly. I loved the bit about goats in Oman bowing to the Queen.

And, surreally, that leads me neatly on to my next point, which is that tonight I was informed that such was the nature of my etymological badinage that one of our Followers had considered writing in each night in order to learn the definition of some of the pompous verbosity with which I compose these pseudo-erudite offerings.

I was once hauled into a HM's study (actually, I wasn't hauled, that would be just bizarre; I was asked to go and see the HM) to explain exactly what I meant by writing a report that read,

'He seems to think that my lessons are an opportunity for him to ameliorate his loquaciousness.'

If that HM had known anything about Latin, he would have known full well that ameliorate comes from the melior,meaning, as you will know, better, and loquacious comes from the deponent verb, loquor, to speak. I was told to re-write it.

And talking of Latin, did you see my letter in the DT today? Always happy to give SF a plug.

A friend of mine accused me of pomposity. Vituperative pillock. (And it wasn't my dear wife - who did, in fact, think I was being slightly au dessus de ma gare .... !) (But she certainly isn't vituperative.)